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28-Aug-2018 04:35

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Since you didn’t ask, a quick dating tip, which I was reminded of on a recent date: Don’t talk too much.

I went on a date with this guy (who I knew in real life then matched with on Tinder) and he literally didn’t shut up the whole time.

So I decided to join a few dating apps and see if I still registered on the spectrum of “not too disgusting to have a drink with.” I joined OKCupid and Tinder.

I can’t get down with Grindr or Scruff or any of that nonsense.

It’s a throwback to more oppressive times and it’s frankly tired and pathetic. I just can’t with people in their twenties anymore. I basically just wrote this paragraph to talk shit about young people because I hate them and they deserve it, but I digress (Sidenote: I’m sure if you’re a young person reading this, you know what a CD is and I respect you).

What bothers me most isn’t how stupid I think that is, but how dated. My generation, the earliest of millennials, knew stuff about previous generations, about the 60s, 70s, 80s, etc. While it’s difficult to wade through all the self-hating messes on OKCupid, Tinder comes with its own set of issues. For anyone who doesn’t have this app here’s how it works: the app geolocates you, finds potential matches, and you swipe left or right depending on if you like or dislike them (yes, it’s that harsh). Apparently, the new dating world is designed by assholes, for assholes.

The other night, I was simultaneously shopping the sale section on Urban Outfitters and scrolling through profiles on OKCupid.

The interface was essentially the same, a grid of appealing (and unappealing) images asking, “U WANT THIS?

For those of you who don’t know what this is, it’s basically a guy who states clearly in his dating profile that he wants to date only masculine, straight-acting men. All these sites ask you to give an age range (mine is 30-45).Like I’d ask him a question and he’d just go on and on.

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